Monday, 12 June 2017

Trying to Conceive with Uterus Didelphys (Double Uterus)

As per one of my previous posts, most of you will know I was diagnosed with Uterus Didelphys around a month ago.  If you don't know what my rare condition is, read my previous post here to find out about my diagnosis and a little more about it.  I plan on creating an educating post to teach those all about the condition and raise awareness soon.

Anyway, since my diagnosis I've cried MANY tears.  I've asked "Why me?" What have I done so wrong to deserve this?" It's been a very hard month and I've had more down moments than up's.  I've spent majority of the month thinking about it, wondering why I'm not normal, wondering how I can ever cope or be happy again, it's just been one massive nightmare to be completely honest.

All of my life I've wanted to have children, anyone who knows me knows just how much, and now I've finally found someone and settled down I've been told it might never happen for me.  I mean, it CAN still happen, I've been told it's still possible, but I have much higher risk of miscarriage, (more likely late miscarriage) and preterm labour.  As someone who has already suffered multiple miscarriages and always longed for a child for so long this news is absolutely devastating to me, it's pretty much the worst thing that could of happened in my eyes, and although that sounds selfish and others have it much worse I can't help feeling this way.

My partner and I made the decision to start trying for a baby right away, due to the fact we want children together and it may take years, or may even never happen, we thought it is the right choice to start now and take everything that comes our way.  I came off my contraceptive pill and since then we've been actively trying to get pregnant, this is extremely recent though so we're still in very early stages.

I joined a few Facebook support groups although only one is specifically aimed at Uterus Didelphys, the other is about multiple different uterus abnormalities.  Through the groups I've found lots of girls with the same rare condition as I have which has given me some hope, lots of them have babies and have had successful pregnancies so this is what I need to hang on to, without hope I have nothing else.  No one understands what I'm going through so it's nice to have others who completely get it.

My partner is supportive, however sometimes the positivity is too much, I completely understand he is trying to stay positive for me and lift my spirits and cheer me up but I feel as though he doesn't fully understand how high the risk is, how high the chance we may never have a baby is.  I feel like he is sure it's going to happen and sometimes I just feel as though I need him to realise what is happening and how hard this may be for us.

I've been tracking my ovulation on an app on my phone, and I purchased ovulation sticks from boots to track when I was ovulating (although we have pretty regular sex anyway).

I'm due my period in a few days, and although everything is crossed I know it's going to take longer than a month to conceive, however I'm hoping it happens regardless how long it takes.

I am so worried of miscarrying again, I keep thinking, "am I strong enough to cope with another loss?" I don't know if I am, but at least this time I will have my man's support all the way through, and at least now the hospital know of my condition and can monitor me correctly.

I'm going to be a nervous wreck if I do fall pregnant.  For now I'm continuing to research as much as I possibly can about my condition and learn as much as I can, as it's so rare not a lot of information is available and doctors don't seem to really know much about it.

Hope is the only thing stronger than fear, I am hoping and praying for my little miracle baby.

Stay tuned for my post on this rare condition - coming very soon.

If you are suffering with this I would LOVE to hear from you, my contact link is on the home page of my blog near the top of the page.

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