Thursday, 22 June 2017

Trying to Conceive: My Journey Update. Month #1

As most of my regular followers will know, my partner and I are trying for a baby, however it's not as straight forward for me as what it is for a lot of women.  I have Uterus Didelphys which means it may be a lot harder for me to actually make it happen, and there is a chance it may never happen for me. Once per month I am going to post an update regarding the topic, and I feel although I am updating you guys it will really benefit me to write about my journey, and talk about my emotions each month as I don't really feel comfortable talking about it with friends and family, I know I have people I could talk to but it's hard for me sometimes to open up to people. Although my partner is very supportive with this sometimes I don't feel I can completely open up about it as he is so positive and he genuinely believes it's going to happen soon.

This is our first month of trying to conceive, and it's only been a little over a month since my diagnosis (almost 6 weeks) - so the news is still pretty raw and I'm still under a lot of stress, although the pain is kind of easing and I'm trying to cling on to hope to get me through these long tough days.

Due to only coming off contraceptive pill a month ago I can't be completely sure when my period is due which makes it really hard to be exact.  I used ovulation sticks to track my ovulation this month however I have trouble reading them. According to them I didn't ovulate at all, after a lot of worrying and a lot of research I figured I could of taken the test at the wrong times as it is best to take it in the afternoon. I was taking them in the morning as I figured morning is best since that's the case with pregnancy tests - apparently not! I also may have been testing at the wrong time as I couldn't be sure how long my cycle was, I was testing based on a 35 day cycle however based on the time my period arrived this month my cycle seems to be a 39 day cycle - I'm making sure to keep track of everything using Ovia Fertility App which is actually really useful.

I got my last period on the 14th May and it ended on the 18th, and this month it came on the 17th, which seems to be a 6 day period as opposed to last months 4 day, so I think my body is still adjusting to being off the contraceptive pill.

Last week my partner said he "had a feeling" I was pregnant, and went out and got me a test.  Sadly the test was negative however I did tell him it was pretty early to test, this was obviously before my period arrived.  I took another the next morning and another big fat negative happened! I didn't expect to feel a feeling of huge disappointment so early as I knew it wasn't going to happen this quick, but I do feel disappointed that it didn't happen, and of course my period also arrived the other day as I mentioned earlier in the post. I could of cried when I started bleeding, I don't know why I feel like that so soon because I knew I wasn't pregnant, I just knew.

I hope it happens for us quickly because I think all this disappointment may break me down very fast. I don't know how strong I can be, I feel like I've been trying to be strong for too long and life keeps throwing things at me. I am going to purchase lots of ovulation sticks as I am determined to catch the right time, and I have purchased my man a sperm fertility test online, I'm not really sure how those work but I want to try everything to ensure our chances are maximised.

Wish us luck!

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